So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
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