so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
Randomize
