***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
Randomize
