I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
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