I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
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