Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
