I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
Go to google and type XXX
.......Is that how you look for porn?
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
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