So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize