He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
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