I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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