Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
Randomize
