So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
Randomize
