So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
Randomize
