She looked like Sean Connery with cleft lip. So to answer your question, yes I put it in her butt.
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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