i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
Randomize
