We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
Enjoy the penises
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
Randomize
