Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
Send help, water and tortillas.
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
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