absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
Randomize
