Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Randomize
