About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
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