i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
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