I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Randomize
