im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
