I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
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