So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
Randomize
