I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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