I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
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