grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Randomize
