mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Randomize
