I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
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