yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
My day in three words: secret purse cake
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
I know her cup size but not her name....
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize
