I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
People with herpes should wear stickers.
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
Randomize
