They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
Randomize
