Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize
