happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
