I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
