Swine flu. Run for my life!
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Randomize
