I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
Randomize
