He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
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