paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
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