I wanna passion pit in your ass
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
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