Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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