i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
