Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
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