She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Randomize
