he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
And then the night went full on bisexual.
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
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