dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
40s are totally the cure
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
Randomize
