Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
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