i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
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Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
I want a musical about memes.
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
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