So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize
