i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
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