Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
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