So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
Lo siento on account of my penis...
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize
