I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
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