so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
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