i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
Someone shattered a urinal.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
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