I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
Randomize
