i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
