my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize
