Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
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I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
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She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
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