Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
Randomize
