You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
Randomize
