I think scott just propositioned me for sex
you win again, gameday.
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
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