I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
Randomize
