I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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